It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
