About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
