It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
