My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I forget how to act sober
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
