We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
