my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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