i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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