Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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