p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize