I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
