I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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