I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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