ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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