Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
