Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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