I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize