all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize