how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
