Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
