dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
