Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
