my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
