Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
