Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
