Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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