Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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