I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize