I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize