we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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