Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
