Are we in a gay sports bar?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
