I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
