Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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