just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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