i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
