i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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