Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
