can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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