He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize