Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
