The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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