he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
