Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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