She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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