you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
