i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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