Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
