so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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