I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
