if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
