even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
