I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
