Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize