I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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