remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
