I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
