I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love you. Go after that dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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