i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
