break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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