I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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