I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
