Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this boner is exhausting
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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