I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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