I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
