i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize