Cold hands, warm shart.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Fuck appropriateness.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
