its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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